Story Time #1

Hmm.. I really don't have anything better to write about, sooo, I may as well write about some of the hell me, Evan, Luke, Chris, Robert, Ace, Cody, and Brayden have raised in our cozy little small town.

Okay, well there's this old lady that lives down the road and she has the prettiest yard in town. Her grass is super green and thick, and she has these beautiful flowers in front of her house. But, this old lady also happened to be a ninety-year-old bitch.

When we were playing soccer or just throwing around a football, sometimes the ball would go into her yard and some one would have to go get it. Well everything we went into her yard to get the ball, she would come flying out of that damn house and screaming and waving a baseball bat at us and yelling "Get out of my yard you ragmuffins! Out! Go on! Get!"

Welllllll, eventually no one would want to go get the ball when it would bounce over into Miss Mabel's yard. So we would end up strawing straws, picking numbers, or shit to see who would have to go get the ball. So eventually one day it was my turn.

I swear I was only two steps into this old bitch's yard and we hadn't seen her all damn day, but here she comes flying out of her house with that fucking baseball bat and yelling at me. I turned around and looked at Evan and he just kept shaking his head and giving me the "Anni, don't say a damn word." look. So, I didn't.

I got the ball and left, but the fact that I didn't say anything back to her bugged me for the entire rest of the day. So later that night we were sitting on Evan's front porch and I noticed all this Round-Up sitting in the corner (the weed/ grass killer stuff) and I turned and looked at Evan and said "How much of that do you have?" and he just kind of looked at me and said "Well, quite a bit I guess. Why?" I just smiled and looked back at the Round-Up and Evan gets the "Oh shit" look on his face and says "Anni, you're not." To which I reply to with "Hell yes, I am. Let me borrow that Round-Up for just a little bit."

I took the Round-Up and headed back toward Miss Mabel's house. ORIGINALLY I was going down there to spray the Round-Up on her pretty flowers and kill them. But I felt bad about that, because the flowers didn't do anything to anybody. So, I came up with another idea.

I got down there and started spraying the Round-Up on her yard and measured about five feet length wise (close to the road, where everyone would be able to see it when they drove by) and kept spraying until when I was done she had "BITCH" sprayed in her yard with Round-Up.

Well it took three days for the grass to finally die and everyone could see her lovely message in the yard, and the police came to Evan's house one day when I was there and asked him about it.

Evan just laughed and said, "Sir, I didn't have shit to do with it."

And the police officer just looked at him and said "I bet you know who did, though."

Evan laughed again and shook his head and said, "Sir, I did not have SHIT to do with that." (All this with all the Round-Up bottles sitting right there on the front porch where the cops could see it, too) and I just sat back in my chair and laughed my ass off. The police left, and Miss Mabel's yard yelled "BITCH" for about two months afterward.

Bitch never fucked with us again, though.

(: