Hey! Shrink! Leave me alone!

Dr. Huston,



Hello. I would like to apologize ahead of time if any of this letter comes off as rude, or if I sound to you like I am a bratty fifteen-year-old with an attitude problem. Sometimes that just happens.

I've noticed you always get up in the air about me using the word “really”. And you always say the same thing: “Why would you use that word? What’s the point? It’s a useless word.” No word in the world is useless. Every word (just like everything else in life) has a use of some sort. I’m pretty sure I recall you telling me once that “You don’t always have to please other people” so if I choose "really" when I want to use an intensifier, I'm not sure why I should care what you think of it.

I don’t feel it is your place to correct my speech. That is what my English teacher is for. We’re not paying you to correct my speech. Maybe I don’t like some things about the way you speak, either. And while I understand that you are trying to see how I think, I'm sure there are more sympathetic ways of going about it. Criticizing and arguing with me might show you how I think, but it puts me on the defensive. It feels hurtful.

During our meetings, it seems to me you don't listen to what I’m saying to you. You hear it, but I don’t feel that you are truly LISTENING to what I am trying to tell you. I always thought that a psychologist was supposed to be someone helpful that you could talk to and feel like you’re working through things. Dr. Hutson, when I talk to you, I don’t feel like I’m working through anything. I feel put on the spot. Arguing with you only makes me feel awful. It reflects badly on me because I am the fifteen-year-old and I should have respect for you. But you don’t seem to care to communicate respect for me, in the way you speak to me. My mother and father aren’t the only problems I have, and rather than making petty criticism of my superficial habits a part of our sessions, I'd appreciate it if you'd take a few minutes to ask me what is on MY mind, and really listen. If you can correct the way I talk, you can certainly ask what else is bothering me, and try to help me find insight rather than just finding fault.

'Really' is just my way of emphasizing a point. Just like many others might say 'very', or 'quite' or 'truly', even, I use 'really' because that's how my speech patterns developed. I'm trying to stress something that seems important to me. According to most dictionaries, 'really' can be used in place of 'actually' or 'truly'. For example, in the phrase 'a really honest man', we have the word standing in for 'truly', and in 'horseshoe crabs aren't really crabs', it's standing in for 'actually.'

Seeing as I'm fifteen-years-old, and I've been speaking this way for years, I honestly don’t believe I should have to change the way I speak just for you. It does not help me when you harp on my choice of words. I’m a lot younger than you, and I haven’t gone to college yet, so my speech isn’t going to be as good as you’d like. Can't you just accept that?

I expect I am going to continue to use the word “really” unless you can point out respectfully how I'd benefit from making the effort to change my habit. I will try to stop saying “I don’t know” for your sake. I’m sorry I have a verbal pattern that you apparently find annoying, but I’m Anni, not John Hutson and that’s the way it is.


Sincerely,
- Margaret Anne York