Things I Have Learned.... From Experience.

Do not stick a knife into a light socket. Bad idea.

Look both ways before crossing the street.

Do not cuss in front of your preacher... apparently it's a sin.

A tennis racket will not help you walk on water.

Apparently you can be arrested for jumping off a bridge into the river.

Parents do not like having to pick you up from jail.

The glass in windows does not stop baseballs hit by ceiling fans.

Ceiling fans can hit baseballs a long way.

The spin cycle on the dryer makes cats dizzy.

Old ladies sometimes carry purses filled with rocks.

They will use them. ^^^

Throwing a cat in water will not teach it to swim. It will only piss it off.

When sewing an apron, make sure your sleeve is not in the way otherwise you will sew yourself to the apron.

If some one says they are going to throw up... they usually mean it.

Everything you need to learn from school you learn in kindergarten through second grade.

Play nice with the other kids. (Until the other kid gets cocky, then you kick the other kid's ass).

Just because you throw a ball in the air and don't see it come down does not mean it won't land on your head.

Parents are NOT always right.

The gas pedal is on the right and the break is on the left- ALWAYS ON THE LEFT.

Disney movies can cause deep thinking late at night.

They can also cause nightmares... depending on the movie.

A king-sized waterbed holds enough water to fill a two-thousand-square-foot house four inches deep.

Whoever said to love thy neighbor never had to live next to a BOBKITTEN.

Letting two puppies loose in Wal-Mart = very bad idea.

Most important thing I have learned:

Live your life, don't regret doing crazy things, but next time think twice... and do it anyways.